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Personal Stories **
Name: strengthtobeyou
State: US
Story:
I clearly remember the age when things changed for me, so as to define a
cause for APD. When I was young I had friends, and loved having them and
building close relationships with other children. My parents got divorced
when I was 12, and this was the beginning of APD. I was rejected for almost
everything I thought, and said from my mom and sisters, until I was afraid
to be me. I was so afraid to be me, because it meant punishment, rejection,
isolation, ridicule, abasement in one form of another. The rejection was
from everything to my personality, my thoughts, my wanting the truth, my
caring…. And just my personal likes… I went into seclusion… and became
afraid that I was the most abhorrent person in the world. We are trained to
believe this, from the reactions of our surroundings… and we fear that
perhaps there is some truth to this, but there is not. Often times, APDs are
sensitive in that they carry the load of guilt for the wrongs of others, not
because they want to … but because they are made to ,,, forced to… during a
critical time of development. They fail to have confidence in who they are,
because they are broken down step by step, day by day into a pile of
rejection from their surroundings, and the only love they receive is based
on them catering to the malfunction of the environment, counter to
everything they know to be true, in essence they are loved only for not
being true to themselves.
The low self esteem, the isolation, the fear of rejection…I believe
implanted during child development through the environment, needs to be
really analyzed so as to turn that truth around, that we are valuable just
as much as the next person, and we must be true to who we are at all costs.
Interestingly, I read the posts here … and I too countered the pain through
being the comedian, making people laugh,,, but grew out of that. I need to
work on this now, it is horrible, but believing in your own beauty, the
right to your own thoughts, morals, and to your own self care are critical.
And ultimately, when you are confident in those things, the rejection of
others should dissipate. Embrace you, and love you… because you are the
best…
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