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Name: Recluse in use
State: USA
Date: Thursday October 18, 2007
Time: 01:25:28 AM -0500
Story:
I realized that I have APD about 4 years ago. Now I'm 30(male) and still
can't figure out how to improve or break out of this. I try to remember
when it started and I cannot recall anything from my childhood. I just know
that I showed signs at an early age. Now it is starting to hurt my quality
of life. I have a hard time with relationships and I am lonely and feel
helpless. I never open up or show the real me. I feel I have so much to
offer a women, but I can't ever just relax and be myself. With friends I am
a little better, but still put up a wall even with them. I am simply
terrified of being rejected. There have been countless relationships that I
have ended just because I felt she might end it soon anyways.
As I read what can be done to help people like me I realized that we are
pretty much on our own. I've thought about trying the "throw yourself in
the fire" method and just facing my scariest social situations head on and
not straying no matter what the outcome. Also, I may try medication, but I
don't know if anything will work.
I fear getting old and realizing that all this fear prevented me from
marriage and kids. If only we could block these fearful thoughts in our
brains and just live normal lives. But I will keep searching for cures and
if I find one, I will let all you know about it.
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