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AvPD/APD
Medical Description
World Health
Organization description
WHO of Avoidant Personality
Disorder. This
text describes the diagnostic criteria for AvPD.
There
is a good likelihood that AvPD is the extreme form of
Social
Phobia. If you have APD you will recognize many of the characteristics
of Social Phobia/Social Anxiety in yourself.
A
hallmark of both AvPD and Social phobias is Anxiety.
The
following is a description of
anxiety symptoms
you may experience.
You
know these symptoms very well if you have APD.
You
might also have experienced a
panic
attack though not all Avoidant's have panic attacks.
(New - Read More
Articles Below...)
There
is sometimes an obsessive-compulsive component to APD and social phobia. This is
a description of
Obsessive-Compulsive
Personality Disorder.
Dependency
could be one the personality traits of a person with APD.
This
is a description of
Dependent
Personality Disorder.
If
you have APD, you might also experienced one or more
depressive
episodes.
This
last text is written for this page. It contains information of the American
system of classifying personality disorders, but Avoidants' all around the world
will benefit from reading it:
Avoidant
Personality Disorder.
You
can see more at:
mentalhealth.com's
Avoidant Personality pages.
^Top^
OBSERVATIONS: THE AVOIDANT PERSONALITY
HYPER VIGILANCE AND MONITORING:
Monitors environment to see if others are watching, judging
or mentally scrutinizing them.
Checks to see if or where exits are located so if they need
to leave they will make efforts to cause the least amount of
attention to themselves and slip out announced.
May continually scan their environment for people who look
unsavory especially if they've experienced trauma in their
past.
Might believe others don't like them or are talking about
them.
May be sensitive to smells, loud sounds, lights or fabrics.
TRUST
AND SAFETY ISSUES:
Builds a mental database about who can be trusted.
Picks up on the slightest idiosyncrasy other individuals
display.
Is often judgmental and can't overlook incidental
personality quirks. Alternatively, Avoidants who are in
lonely phases may endure and "subject" themselves to
toxic people
so that some connections are made.
Screens people out when the person or the situation
appears to "unsafe", insensitive,
self-centered.
Alternatively, Avoidants who are in a lonely or in
emotionally low place phases may endure and "subject"
themselves to toxic people so that some connections are made.
Some Avoidants have problems setting boundaries with
narcissistic or other types and are vulnerable to
manipulation. * See below the description for "manipulation".
May only trust close family members or spouses and have few
if any relationships outside of these primary relationships.
CONTROL ISSUES, (Environmental):
An Avoidant has a need for a high degree of control
within their environment. Those with Highly Sensitive
temperaments and OCD traits may experience avoidance
in the following situations:
Movie theaters, restaurants, classrooms, workplace, churches,
bathrooms and gyms may be threatening and pose an issue
when
the desired "placement" of their environment has shifted.
They are territorial and preferential; if something causes
their routine to change, it can set them back and mentally annoy
them.
This can challenge a person who relies on having an exact
booth at an eatery, exact bathroom stall, exact chair or desk
near a quiet corner or a wall etc.
Avoidants who fear interruption of their routines may find it
hard to leave home for extended stays.
Avoidants do not like the sense that others are encroaching
in on their privacy and even though they may be in a public
place - such control issues can make it hard for them to feel
relaxed and comfortable enough to stay if something
interrupts their flow. Often having to pass by a neighbors
door leaves them with a sense of being watched. This isn't
due to paranoia so much as the feeling of wanting to go
about their business without being observed as Avoidants
are intensely private people.
When other people enter into their space their inner hackles
can come up although others may not perceive this. More often
this is interpreted as an aloofness.
May not accept rides with co-workers or friends for fear they
will be stuck in a situation where they can't leave when they
want.
Will give up doing something they like if the activity invites
the participation of too many other people, their routine is
interrupted or the
threat of "over familiarity" exists.
Alternatively, an Avoidant may prefer some crowded situations
such as social groupings of common interest - if it helps
them FADE into the background while still giving them a sense
of belonging. Strangely enough, some AvPD's report enjoying
fluid movement through crowds, i.e., street scenes where
people
are walking to and from destinations. (think NYC.) The
perception
is that there is no direct, verbal or familiar contact with a
moving
crowd yet the sense is that they are still part of the
movement
itself.
Assertiveness:
Ordinarily, an Avoidant is not assertive or outspoken, though
they may be at times when they feel unduly intruded upon or
when they are passionate about a subject or cause. This
momentary assertiveness is easily misconstrued as hostility
by others. An Avoidant will often experience a mixture of
emotions related to such events: Annoyance, frustration,
courage, pride, self respect, indignation, relief.
Quickly, thereafter, an Avoidant may question and second
guess themselves, dissecting the event for hours on end. They
may feel guilty or bad for having expressed themselves in
such an "abrupt" manner and left feeling even more inadequate
than before. A paradox lies at the heart of this; they'd
rather be able to assert their rights, express their opinions
and generally feel at ease with themselves on a regular basis
than have but a taste only to retreat back into their shell
of non confrontation.
RELATIONSHIPS: Non Familiarity and Over Familiarity:
Some Avoidants have the ability to maintain long term
friendships and relationships. This is especially true if
they've known the other person for a long time. i.e.. from
childhood.
Relationships with family, spouses and friends when proven
supportive and caring offer a safety record therefore they can
be trusted. This kind of familiarity helps the Avoidant feel
connected and somewhat grounded. However, intense *dependency *
is very much a big problem for Avoidants that rely on one or
two people, i.e., a family member, spouse or partner for sole
personal interaction. Likewise, an Avoidant who can't work
will find themselves dependent on their partner which can
lead to deep feelings of shame and fear that if anything
happens
to spouse or partner the Avoidant will be left alone without
alternatives.
An Avoidant who is self-reliant has had the opposite
experience and are independent. They are self supporting and
usually gainfully employed. They may have some or no
connections
to family or other
relationships at all. This is especially true for
AVPD's who had trauma as children. However, *higher
functioning
people with avoidant traits may have good family connections or
a friend or two they associate with from time to time.
(Soon! Upcoming article: Avoidant; High, Moderate and Low
Functioning).
BULLYING:
Abuse, rejection, neglect and even bullying by peers can harm
the identity and self concept of a young child and if
predisposition is assumed, with Avoidant behavior it takes
very little to do major damage. Therefore, this type of
severely avoidant individual will likely have a difficult
time developing or maintaining relationships. Familiarity
will frighten them off and they may feel exposed and
vulnerable even if they desire connection with other people.
Still, yet a person may be the combination of both; familiar
and non familiar. They may trust one person only and come to
depend on that individual for emotional, physical or
financial sustenance while not being able to connect with
anyone else or maintain relationships outside of the primary
relationship.
FEAR OF THE FAMILIAR:
Other types of relationships an Avoidant may have is ONLINE
connections where the person has found some common ground
and
a mutual sense of support to other strangers. The internet,
for e.g.. provides a buffer against intense vulnerabilities the
avoidant might otherwise feel in real time although it's been
reported that many feel so closely connected with their
online ID's that being in that world can also feel
threatening.
Online support groups can have dynamics that
make it a
challenge for an Avoidant but likewise an Avoidant
may
secretly change their Identities so that other users
aren't over familiarized with them.
Workplace familiarity provides a serious issue for some with
Avoidant Personality Disorder. Even highly skilled or
educated Avoidants may have trouble keeping jobs if the
workplace doesn't provide a relative degree of autonomy.
(Higher Functioning Avoidants almost never have work related
issues: more on this later).
Being required to fit in or socialize with co-workers and
keep up with the office politic-grapevine can feel so
stressful that the individual quits. It's fairly common
amongst severely afflicted avoidants to never have gotten a
career off the ground due to the intense fear of looking
incapable or incompetent in performing their jobs. Scrutiny
of performance aside, many Avoidants will not withstand long
term exposure in any work environment EVEN when they have
the
ability to perform their job duties. This is because the act
of showing up at a job every single day poses a threat
towards "non familiarity" or a need to NOT be known.
Other "over or too familiar" situations can be when a person
must do a routine activity. Walking their dog, taking out the
trash, walking past a neighbors yard, going to classes, the
bank, store and one of the worst...getting a haircut can
create a challenge. It isn't unusual to hear an Avoidant
say they have changed hairdressers 4 times in a year. The
problem being that each subsequent act of "being seen" means
they have exposed themselves and are becoming more and more
known to others.
BEING FOUND OUT & SHAME:
It is common for an Avoidant to feel intensely afraid of
being "found out."
Some may fabricate stories not for the sake of bragging but
to shield themselves against others finding out that their
internal lives don't match what society expects of them,
therefore it's not unusual to hear that some avoidants will
either avoid conversations where questions may be asked of
them or inflate the truth with an answer that seems
plausible.
Avoidance of people, places or any situation where the
Avoidant fears embarrassment or being "found out"
becomes habited and entrenched. They don't like lying about
themselves and seldom do it but when they do it, feel a sense
of shame and failure as though they studied for a lifetime to
get things right but then got a big F stamped on their paper.
This cycle of falsehoods is crushing to the Avoidant and with
time can actually create a barrier where they themselves no
longer recognize their own abilities, talents and skills.
Shame, then, is carried in the deepest parts of their being
and can bring about a great deal of pain for them.
In other scenarios; A different kind with negative
compensatory abilities - an Avoidant w/ a deep need
to emotionally regulate may vacillate and temporarily
obtain status which fills a hole of intense self-loathing
with momentary gains at self-esteem through controlling
the environment of their choosing and the people in it.
This type of person with Avoidant traits has learned to
use certain abilities or strengths to manipulate the outcome
in some situations. The problem is that this is only a
temporary solution to what is otherwise a very poor
self-concept. Unfortunately, this type of compensation
is negative because the person cannot usually sustain
the up kick in self - esteem and because it often involves
deceiving or manipulating others. Sometimes this person
will have little awareness of what they are doing because
this negative compensatory habit is entrenched from a young
age and feels normal. On the other hand some will know
exactly what they are doing but will not make the effort
to change what has worked for them in the past and what
continues to help *regulate* their emotions.
General Observation:
Feels shame at not having met personal or professional goals
Avoids lengthy interactions with others and may lie in order
to cover over the reality of their situation.
May yearn for deeper relationships with people but fear of
being "found out" and an ongoing sense of shame keeps
potential relationships from forming.
May have a deep need for recognition and approval and
when they get it might gain a temporary sense of
superiority. Self-esteem is tied into the approval from
others. Might feel very threatened by those they feel
in competition with or with people who have a healthy
sense of self.
TIME AND SPACE:
AvPD's with limited functioning can begin to lose concept of
time and space. This is more intensified if the person also
has
an overlapping OCD and A.D.D. problem. For example, a
non-working
Avoidant who spends all their time at home or in
a room where clutter and hoarding is a problem.
Disorganization
or
"organized chaos" can mentally break down the edges of time
and space.
Another cause for losing time and space are Avoidants who
spend exorbitant amounts of time online, playing videogames
or watching TV will habit themselves into a blur of lost days
when routines don't demand interruption from others.
This is a form of escapism and avoidance for lack of having
formed relationships.
Self - Esteem and causes of low Self - Worth:
May be directly related to having experienced
trauma in the form
of detachment from parent, pain, abuse, abandonment and rejection
by family or peers
as a youth.
Co-Morbid Factors:
Some people with Avoidant Personality Disorder develop
secondary disorders or conditions. These rarely come on in
childhood except in rare cases where the home environment
is lacking in peaceful elements but may come on later in life
as pressures build.
Avoidant individuals may have co-morbid factors associated
with the underlying anxieties many AVPD's experience
or in conjunction to it.
Poor self-esteem, self doubt and
self-perception lends itself to
an Avoidant needing to fill a
deep void with compensatory
soothing and the need to cope.
Alcohol and drug abuse may also be used as a way an Avoidant
person negatively compensates.
(Some co-morbid factors are seen here):
Compulsive Behaviors:
Anorexia and the AVPD
Overeating and Avoidant Behavior
Alcohol or Substance Abuse
Gaming and non stop online activities
Sex and or Porn addiction
Cutting, Skin Picking
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE ISSUES
Hoarding or clutter
Trichotillmania (hair pulling)
Compulsive Eating
Clock watching or telling time
Ingesting of non food materials
Other obsessive and or addictive
behaviors
Other Behaviors w/ anxious compulsive elements:
Obsessive Thinking and thoughts
Paranoid Behavior
Germaphobes
Excessive cleanliness
Reading and cataloguing mass quantities of information,
data or literature. (Data mining).
Anger issues
Commonly (or sometimes) Overlapping with Avoidant Personality
Disorder:
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
Agoraphobia
EATING DISORDERS
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Highly Sensitive Personality
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)
Social Phobia (SP)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
BiPolar Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Panic Disorder
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Depression
Dependent Personality Disorder
Highly Sensitive Person
Attention Deficit Disorder
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)
Schizoid Personality Disorder:
Schizoid tendencies may be seen in some people with AVPD.
However, it's more likely that the intense Avoidant has
learned early compensation skills that have a learned affect
on detachment...and attachment styles.
Because Schizoids do "avoid" it can be confusing. A schizoid
personality can appear aloof or friendly and charming at
the same time and is most perplexing to the onlooker. What
Schizoids are well versed at are appearances. They know if
they are to do well enough in life they must appear to be
open enough to substantive activities that involve other
people. This will normally take place at their jobs where
it's more acceptable to be less social - but can meet the
requirement of 'friendly enough' to pull it off.
What is understood is that Schizoids really don't feel the
need for close intimate relationships, rather, they do feel
at times the need to fill the lonely spaces in their quiet
worlds. They may invite relationships to connect with others
but will always keep a deep layer of emotional distance
between themselves and the other person. Because of their
ability to wholly disconnect, a person takes a big risk in
getting involved with the SPD. Often if a Schizoid is
questioned about their emotional worlds they will feel
threatened and may act in a passive-aggressive way or
in a way that lets the other person know they have no
interest in engaging or exposing themselves to questions.
However, a common misconception is that Schizoids don't
"feel" pain. Pain is felt but their ability to empathize with
others is severely lacking. SPD's can show an intellectual
understanding of what another person is feeling but are
essentially a self centered person where "pain" is
controlled
and experienced more as annoyance, frustration and
sometimes anger rather than actual painful emotional
thoughts. If the SPD is at risk for feeling anything outside
his controlled world it is usually more energy than is worth it.
Others may not be worth the energy it takes to figure out
what the Schizoid should do to help make a situation better
for themselves or the other people in their lives.
If facing the loss of a relationship is evident the Schizoid
for example, will either place blame on the other person and
disown any personal responsibility or will relinquish his or
her *need* for said relationship any longer.
In some relationships, a Schizoid may *choose* to learn how
to experience their own emotions and therefore can have a
productive relationship with an individual. This is more
often
seen in Schizoids who become parents.
MANIPULATION AND NEGATIVE COMPENSATION:
A NARCISSISTIC -
AVOIDANT MIXTURE.
The need to manipulate others in certain situations helps to
maintain their assertions and protects their projections. For
clarification purposes here, this person may only see
themselves 'characteristically Avoidant' when it is useful to
appear relational and empathetic of those they need to
manipulate.
These individuals have a deep desire to be known as
inspirational, expert, knowledgeable, persuasive,
compassionate and transparent. It can be said this type of
person is only as Avoidant as the time they spend in the hole
of their own *self-loathing since the extremes on either side
of this chasm have at their root, an agenda.
The element of their projective status may be used in the
workplace, in intimate relationships, with family members and
with other Avoidants. In most cases when applied it is with
those they can sufficiently influence for a length of time
until the period of risk becomes obvious either to themselves
or to others who have picked up on their self-doubt or very
possibly the darker side of their personality.
It is usually very short-lived; the projection of having a
healthier mental status begins to dissolve from lack of
positive attention outside of themselves or a sense that they
can no longer filter what needs filtering, i.e. the mask
they've provided is no longer sufficient.
Negative Compensation; The Active Responses:
Wants to be noticed but is subtle about it.
Needs to impress or gain approval.
Experiences bouts of superiority.
Exhibits passive-aggressive behavior.
(It's not my fault, you are the problem).
Might be physically attractive and uses
attractiveness to their benefit..
May be an Academic, well-read.
May have desirable career skills.
Intensely self serving.
Vacillates between self hatred (low energy) and self
contained projection (high energy).
Does not appear to have classic AVPD but Avoidance is a by
product when status is at a lull or when depression is present.
(In a sense the SPD can be viewed either as being closest to
having more in common with the Narcissist OR the Avoidant. As
with many conditions there are often overlaps in traits).
^Top^
By Avoidant Personality Disorder Contributor, "S" - (Copyright)
http://www.avoidantpersonality.com
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